Kamal or Rajini

This is not an analysis of the two stalwarts. If you were expecting one, I'm sorry to disappoint you. But on the other hand, I'm sure you'll be wearing a smirk on your face after seeing the following pic :)

(Courtesy: www.behindwoods.com)

You can find more incarnations of Kamal here at Behind Woods.

Comic Strips on Stem Cells

I found a few comic strips on Stem Cells and I'm posting a couple that are funny.

George W Bush:



Legal system's stance on stem cells, relatively:

Will 911 save you from cops?

It's better to acquaint yourself with numbers other than 911 in cases of emergencies like this. An intoxicated man, very intoxicated man, calls 911 to save himself from the cops and gets arrested.

This sounds like an Indian movie where the hero's sidekick gives a complaint about the villain to a corrupt cop and gets whipped.

The above story is one more reason for me to remain a teetotaler.

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In the same spirit, here is another story where a couple of unemployed scientists from NJ prove that dogs like binge drinking, prefer beer to other alcohols and like Bud Light the most. Ok. I made the last one up. But at least dogs should be glad they don't have to deal with 911 when drunk.

Read it with a plate of salt since this is an Onion story.

Stand Up: Modern Art

The picture posted above is of the stand-up comedian who changed my fundamental outlook on stand-up from disgust (since most of them have generous vulgarity with umpteen expletives) to finding humour in the simple things in life.

"I have never understood modern art. I mean, what is it? To me it just looks like someone who had a clear picture in mind and starts drawing, half way into the painting gets disgusted at it and throws the rest of the paint and the painting around and then sells it for hundred thousand dollars.

If you're a bad painter and have a bad temper, you'll be a successful modern artist.

And who'd buy modern art? You go to an exhibition and look at all the paintings. Most of them make sense to you - sunrises, forests, kids playing around, fall colours, rivers and all that. But this modern art is one thing that you don't understand and so, you buy it to have it for the rest of your life to figure out what it exactly means...

I have seen people walk by fast at regular paintings and when they get to a modern art they twitch, squint, stand upside-down and then, buy the painting, sometimes having nowhere to hang it since they just sold their houses to buy it..."

Letter to Manny

Ice Age is a movie about a lonely abandoned mammoth, Manfred, finding companionship in a sloth and a scheming tiger. As beautiful as the movie is, it makes us sad that the curse of extinction has wiped these imposing creatures from the surface of the earth.

Dear Manny,

I take great pleasure in breaking the news to you that your species' footprints of existence were discovered in Moscow, Russia. Manny, you may be glad to note some representative comments from our species:

"It's a lovely little baby mammoth indeed, found in perfect condition," said Alexei Tikhonov...."This specimen may provide unique material allowing us to ultimately decipher the genetic makeup of the mammoth," he told Reuters by telephone.

You may also be elated to notice the fact that the discovered mammoth is a female, Lyuba, who is also being called in my native language a fifty KG TaajuMahaal (translates to: as beautiful as a 50 kilogram Taj Mahal, one of the New Seven Wonders).

I hope this epistle bears news happy enough to raise your ever-flagging spirits, be it in the Ice Age or during the meltdown or when you loved Raymond.

Yours sincerely,
oLi (Light)

Wine tastings gone wild

Doug Kuntz for The New York Time

I had earlier written here about wine helping us to live longer. But meanwhile, being a teetotaler, I've been thinking (a) what are the consequences of trying to live long by consuming wine? and (b) Do I really want to live that long given people around me will be all high on wine all the time wanting to live longer?

Frankly, I don't understand why people drink. The main reasons I don't drink is that I want to remember that I had fun and to remember the fun I had. And not only do people around me drink and float in a puddle of puke, but also often make me share the miseries they go through!

According to this New York Times post:

There also are reports of tastings gone wild involving intoxicated visitors who have tossed back full glasses of wine without regard to nose or body until they grabbed the brass spittoon for baser purposes.

The above is one reason I wouldn't run a vineyard or a wine-tasting event.

The latest additions to local lore include a story about members of an inebriated group at the Palmer Vineyards here who hopped off a hayride and began gallivanting naked through the vines.

Aforementioned is one reason why I would not want to be around people who're inebriated on wine.

One thing going in favour of alcohol, quoting Jerry Seinfeld, "Say what you want about alcohol, but not only are there not a lot of optional accessories, alcohol actually helps you get rid of things. Family, home, job, driver's license. In fact, at a certain point, the only thing you have to remember to get, is more alcohol, and maybe a rag for your squeegee."


I'd rather follow the Bible:

Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly!

In the end it bites like a snake, and poisons like a viper.

Your eyes will see strange sightes and your mind imagine confusing things.

Amen.

More TVs than people

I read elsewhere this humourous article, but could relate to it instantly since my grandmother always talks about Gayathri as if she were her daughter. Gayathri is actually a character in a Tamil serial on SunTv, or so I think. But the following was hilarious:

The average American home now contains more televisions than people. What do you think?

Danielle Prediger,
Systems Analyst
"Does that include the people on the televisions? Because they are just as much a part of my household as my children."

George Riley,
Furrier
"Are you sure that report wasn't talking about books? I could see that being the case with books. As a nation, we love to read."

Lionel Kelley,
TV Repairman
"As a TV repairman and serial killer, I feel partly to blame for this problem."

What do you think?

GWB definition of 'accomplishment'

When it was my turn to update the status of a project in a meeting today, I started "The tasks are done, but...", and my manager went "Ok. I'll note it down as a 'G. W. Bush accomplishment'". So I understood, when something isn't actually accomplished, but still is claimed victory for, it is a GWB accomplishment. Will this idiom ever make to the common English language?

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This is a true cause for celebration for GWB.

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GWB entertains America. Solely by the yardstick of entertainability, he is undisputedly The President of the USA.

6-word story

My stabs at it:

Scream. Blood. Crying. Sirens. Stretcher. "CUT".

She cooks. He eats. Room smells.

Last ball. One run. One wicket.

He let go of her hand.

I'm here. Your other two wishes?

Past imperfect. Present continues. Future tense.

Blood splashes. Screams heard. Baby cries.


I'll keep adding as I come up with more. For now, enjoy these.

Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work.